4th October 2019, I lost my mother to Cancer.
That probably was the most painful time for us as a family. It took me some time to come to terms with the fact that she left. I kept asking myself if this was true.
Although we had seen it coming, there still was hope because we never imagined our lives without her. Not so soon.
She had the kindness, strength, and wit that made her personality stand out. And I loved her courage, her willpower, her hope.
I lost a friend and a confidante who taught me to be kind above all, no matter what. She always carried a beautiful smile — a smile so big you could tell her heart was just the same.
And then I was lost — still am, I guess. I didn’t know how to go about it. The feeling of not having my mother around was too much, but I had to get a grip on myself. I still got a family — my brothers, just as emotionally torn as I was, and my father, who was trying everything in his power to look strong and hold it all together.
He was collapsing, trying his best not to, but couldn’t quite do that. When the pandemic hit, all my fears turned into reality. I wasn’t ready for another loss. But more agony, more grief was written.
After being bedridden for a year, he left us too — 16th July 2021.
He was kind, understanding, receptive, and a brilliant father. I never had to ask anything from him more than once.
Now, though, no one calls my name a thousand times a day. I remember when I left my job to look after him; he was the happiest. He would call me after every second I left his room. His memory was becoming a blur, but he remembered his baby girl.
Is it possible to forget all the pain and be in the moment? Does it ever happen? Does it get easier?
I know it takes time to keep ongoing in life like you used to. It’s been a month since my father’s eternal abode, and I still feel like it happened yesterday.
The pain is there. We are just learning to live with it. It doesn’t get easier; we get used to it. But I’m also hopeful of the day when I come out of this more mature.
I have promised to be kind and polite, firm and positive, have more patience and faith — like my parents and show the world how lovely they were.
It is just my feelings lately. Some days I wake up disturb and sad but there are also times when I feel okay about this — I don’t know how. Maybe because both my parents were in pain when they left the world and they are in a better place now.
I pray for them and for myself, my brothers, and our grief to subside. I pray for no more heartache.